A good many husbands are entirely spoiled by
mismangement, in cooking, and so are not tender
Some women go about it as if their husbands were
bladders and blow them up.
Others keep them constantly in hot water.
Others let them freeze by their carelessness and
Some keep them in a stew by irritating ways and words.
Others roast them.
Some keep them in pickle all their lives.
It cannot be supposed that any husband will be
tender and good managed in this way.
Turnips wouldn't, onions wouldn't, cabbage heads wouldn't,
and husbands won't; but they are really delicious
when properly treated.
In selecting your husband, you should not be guided
by the silvery appearance, as in buying, mackerel;
nor by the golden tint, as if you wanted salmon.
Be sure to select him yourself, as tastes differ.
And, by the way, do not go to the market for him,
as the best is always brought to the door.
It is far better to have none unless you will patiently
learn how to cook him.
A preserving kettle of the finest porcelain is the
best, but if you have nothing but an earthenware
pipkin it will do, with care.
See that the linen in which you wrap him is nicely
washed and mended, with the requisite number of
buttons and strings nicely sewed on.
Tie him in the kettle by a strong silken cord called
Comfort, as the one called Duty is apt to be weak.
Husbands are apt to fly out of the kettle and be
burned and crusty on the edges, since, like crabs
and lobsters you have to cook them while alive.
Make a clear, strong, steady fire out of Love,
Neatness and Cheerfulness. Set your husband
as near this as seems to agree with him.
If he sputters and fizzles do not be anxious. Some
husbands do this until they are quite done.
Add a little sugar in the form of what confectioners
call kisses, but no vinegar or pepper on any account.
A little spice improves him, but it must be used
Do not stick any sharp instrument into him to see
if he is becoming tender.
Stir him gently; watch the while lest he lie too
flat and close to the kettle; and so become inert
You cannot fail to know when he is done.
If thus treated, you will find him very digestible,
agreeing nicely with you and the children, and he
will keep as long as you want, unless you become
careless and set him in too cold a place.
by: Elizabeth Strong Worthington
The recipe came from a 19th century cookbook. I found
it rather interesting. To view the recipe page from the
antique cookbook in pdf format click on the image below.